| After listening to my friends go on and | | | | between two bona fide foursomes, I would |
| on about their experiences playing golf, | | | | have to arrive at the golf course at |
| I finally decided to take up golf again. | | | | six forty five, ready to play. That |
| Except for sporadic forays with rented | | | | means I had to get up at five thirty to |
| clubs, I had not played golf since I | | | | get there in time. Arriving on time, I |
| caddied with my dad in the forties. He | | | | waited in the ready area for one hour |
| did teach me the correct grip and took | | | | while my friend waited in the parking |
| me out a few times as a bona fide | | | | lot, sure that I had gotten lost or run |
| golfer, but good I was not. In college, | | | | over. At the first tee, a third duffer |
| I was chosen to teach the grip to the | | | | asked to join us and I welcomed him |
| novice golfing students, but I never got | | | | gladly, hoping for a free golfing lesson |
| to play myself.Not owning a set of | | | | I suspected that I needed. On the first |
| clubs, I haunted the area garage sales | | | | tee, I was warned to watch out for the |
| for a usable set. At the third garage | | | | stream crossing the fairway. Three |
| sale a very nice set of clubs with a | | | | strokes later, I found out that the |
| fairly new bag leaned against the side | | | | water was still freezing cold from the |
| of the garage. Another buyer spotted the | | | | winter. During the next five holes, my |
| clubs at the same time, but I | | | | partner used the walking time to remind |
| unashamedly raced to get there first. | | | | me of golf course etiquette. No talking |
| The tag said $15.00, the woods were made | | | | on the green, no touching the sand |
| of real wood and I bought them | | | | before hitting the ball out of the sand |
| immediately. Chagrined to see that the | | | | trap and not to walk across the path of |
| putter was missing, I planned a hint to | | | | the stranger's ball when taking out the |
| the wife for an early birthday | | | | flag. After I borrowed ten quarters for |
| present.Then it dawned on me that | | | | marking my ball, he told me that there |
| besides the putter there were a few | | | | was a button on my golf glove that could |
| items missing. No balls or tees graced | | | | be removed for a marker.On the seventh |
| the pockets. Golf shoes could be | | | | tee, my driver decided to hit the ground |
| expensive and what about that special | | | | about a foot behind the ball, sometimes |
| leather glove that always hung out of | | | | bouncing up to gently knock the ball off |
| the pro golfer's pocket? Add to the list | | | | the tee and other times missing |
| a divot smoother, a ball brush, a water | | | | altogether. None of the unasked for |
| bottle and a matching rag to wipe your | | | | advice had any effect. At the eighth |
| hands on.I got lucky with the shoes, | | | | hole, a club monitor raced up to me with |
| having spotted a like-new pair on a curb | | | | a club I had left on the last green (my |
| for pick-up. Only one half size too | | | | third lost club) and asked if it were |
| large, I figured an extra pair of socks | | | | possible to initiate the practice of |
| would solve that problem. Sears sold me | | | | picking up on the greens in order to |
| a matching putter and Costco Wholesale | | | | speed play. I guess that fact that I had |
| had no name balls.Carefully choosing a | | | | to hit three balls for one of the |
| friend who lived far away and who also | | | | foursome behind us slowed the play |
| played golf, I arranged a day on the | | | | somewhat. At the ninth hole I breathed a |
| golf course. Two weeks before the date, | | | | sigh of relief only to be informed that |
| I arrived early at the local golf range | | | | the next nine would be played on the |
| to harden up my hands for the coming | | | | steepest part of the golf course. My |
| game. In twenty minutes I sported two | | | | body felt that I had been run over by a |
| authentic golf blisters on my hand. The | | | | truck so I protested a headache and |
| local pro suggested snidely that I wear | | | | begged off.Invited to play with a seldom |
| gloves on both hands next time. The next | | | | seen golfer relative, I scraped the mud |
| day I could hardly move my arms, but | | | | off my irons, carefully chose eight |
| bravely hid my soreness from my | | | | balls with only small dents and loaded |
| all-knowing wife. The balls I hit seemed | | | | up the car. This time I wisely opted for |
| to be searching for a new home, none of | | | | a golf cart, and Fortified with three |
| which landed in the same place. The | | | | aspirin, I was prepared for eighteen |
| wandering balls preferred bounding to my | | | | holes. At the first tee I was reveling |
| left, so I kept aiming my feet to the | | | | in the knowledge that whatever happened |
| right in hopeful windage, eventually | | | | today would be hidden from the eyes and |
| facing sideways to the hole. I've heard | | | | ears of friends and relatives alike when |
| that a slight hook can be beneficial, | | | | the golf pro asked if we would mind if |
| but what I had didn't fit the category. | | | | he played with us. I agreed only if he |
| I did feel a little better when I | | | | didn't laugh. On the seventeenth hole, I |
| discovered that I could retrieve a | | | | vowed never to |
| half bucket of balls that littered the | | | | play golf again. I had run over the |
| landscape a few feet in front of the | | | | pro's ball with my cart.Retired to |
| practice tee. I always like to save | | | | writing, bicycling, furniture |
| money.My golfing partner insisted that | | | | refinishing, and computer graphics. |
| in order to get an unreserved spot | | | | |