| After listening to my friends go on and on about | | | | to get an unreserved spot between two bona fide |
| their experiences playing golf, I finally decided to take | | | | foursomes, I would have to arrive at the golf course |
| up golf again. Except for sporadic forays with rented | | | | at six forty five, ready to play. That means I had to |
| clubs, I had not played golf since I caddied with my | | | | get up at five thirty to get there in time. Arriving on |
| dad in the forties. He did teach me the correct grip | | | | time, I waited in the ready area for one hour while |
| and took me out a few times as a bona fide golfer, | | | | my friend waited in the parking lot, sure that I had |
| but good I was not. In college, I was chosen to | | | | gotten lost or run over. At the first tee, a third |
| teach the grip to the novice golfing students, but I | | | | duffer asked to join us and I welcomed him gladly, |
| never got to play myself.Not owning a set of clubs, I | | | | hoping for a free golfing lesson I suspected that I |
| haunted the area garage sales for a usable set. At | | | | needed. On the first tee, I was warned to watch out |
| the third garage sale a very nice set of clubs with a | | | | for the stream crossing the fairway. Three strokes |
| fairly new bag leaned against the side of the garage. | | | | later, I found out that the water was still freezing |
| Another buyer spotted the clubs at the same time, | | | | cold from the winter. During the next five holes, my |
| but I unashamedly raced to get there first. The tag | | | | partner used the walking time to remind me of golf |
| said $15.00, the woods were made of real wood and | | | | course etiquette. No talking on the green, no touching |
| I bought them immediately. Chagrined to see that the | | | | the sand before hitting the ball out of the sand trap |
| putter was missing, I planned a hint to the wife for | | | | and not to walk across the path of the stranger's ball |
| an early birthday present.Then it dawned on me that | | | | when taking out the flag. After I borrowed ten |
| besides the putter there were a few items missing. | | | | quarters for marking my ball, he told me that there |
| No balls or tees graced the pockets. Golf shoes could | | | | was a button on my golf glove that could be |
| be expensive and what about that special leather | | | | removed for a marker.On the seventh tee, my driver |
| glove that always hung out of the pro golfer's | | | | decided to hit the ground about a foot behind the |
| pocket? Add to the list a divot smoother, a ball | | | | ball, sometimes bouncing up to gently knock the ball |
| brush, a water bottle and a matching rag to wipe | | | | off the tee and other times missing altogether. None |
| your hands on.I got lucky with the shoes, having | | | | of the unasked for advice had any effect. At the |
| spotted a like-new pair on a curb for pick-up. Only | | | | eighth hole, a club monitor raced up to me with a |
| one half size too large, I figured an extra pair of | | | | club I had left on the last green (my third lost club) |
| socks would solve that problem. Sears sold me a | | | | and asked if it were possible to initiate the practice |
| matching putter and Costco Wholesale had no name | | | | of picking up on the greens in order to speed play. I |
| balls.Carefully choosing a friend who lived far away | | | | guess that fact that I had to hit three balls for one |
| and who also played golf, I arranged a day on the | | | | of the foursome behind us slowed the play |
| golf course. Two weeks before the date, I arrived | | | | somewhat. At the ninth hole I breathed a sigh of |
| early at the local golf range to harden up my hands | | | | relief only to be informed that the next nine would |
| for the coming game. In twenty minutes I sported | | | | be played on the steepest part of the golf course. |
| two authentic golf blisters on my hand. The local pro | | | | My body felt that I had been run over by a truck so |
| suggested snidely that I wear gloves on both hands | | | | I protested a headache and begged off.Invited to |
| next time. The next day I could hardly move my | | | | play with a seldom seen golfer relative, I scraped the |
| arms, but bravely hid my soreness from my | | | | mud off my irons, carefully chose eight balls with only |
| all-knowing wife. The balls I hit seemed to be | | | | small dents and loaded up the car. This time I wisely |
| searching for a new home, none of which landed in | | | | opted for a golf cart, and Fortified with three aspirin, |
| the same place. The wandering balls preferred | | | | I was prepared for eighteen holes. At the first tee I |
| bounding to my left, so I kept aiming my feet to the | | | | was reveling in the knowledge that whatever |
| right in hopeful windage, eventually facing sideways | | | | happened today would be hidden from the eyes and |
| to the hole. I've heard that a slight hook can be | | | | ears of friends and relatives alike when the golf pro |
| beneficial, but what I had didn't fit the category. I did | | | | asked if we would mind if he played with us. I agreed |
| feel a little better when I discovered that I could | | | | only if he didn't laugh. On the seventeenth hole, I |
| retrieve a | | | | vowed never to |
| half bucket of balls that littered the landscape a few | | | | play golf again. I had run over the pro's ball with my |
| feet in front of the practice tee. I always like to | | | | cart.Retired to writing, bicycling, furniture refinishing, |
| save money.My golfing partner insisted that in order | | | | and computer graphics. |