| After listening to my friends go on and on | | | | foursomes, I would have to arrive at the golf |
| about their experiences playing golf, I | | | | course at six forty five, ready to play. |
| finally decided to take up golf again. Except | | | | That means I had to get up at five thirty to |
| for sporadic forays with rented clubs, I had | | | | get there in time. Arriving on time, I waited |
| not played golf since I caddied with my dad | | | | in the ready area for one hour while my |
| in the forties. He did teach me the correct | | | | friend waited in the parking lot, sure that I |
| grip and took me out a few times as a bona | | | | had gotten lost or run over. At the first |
| fide golfer, but good I was not. In college, | | | | tee, a third duffer asked to join us and I |
| I was chosen to teach the grip to the novice | | | | welcomed him gladly, hoping for a free |
| golfing students, but I never got to play | | | | golfing lesson I suspected that I needed. On |
| myself.Not owning a set of clubs, I haunted | | | | the first tee, I was warned to watch out for |
| the area garage sales for a usable set. At | | | | the stream crossing the fairway. Three |
| the third garage sale a very nice set of | | | | strokes later, I found out that the water was |
| clubs with a fairly new bag leaned against | | | | still freezing cold from the winter. During |
| the side of the garage. Another buyer spotted | | | | the next five holes, my partner used the |
| the clubs at the same time, but I unashamedly | | | | walking time to remind me of golf course |
| raced to get there first. The tag said | | | | etiquette. No talking on the green, no |
| $15.00, the woods were made of real wood and | | | | touching the sand before hitting the ball out |
| I bought them immediately. Chagrined to see | | | | of the sand trap and not to walk across the |
| that the putter was missing, I planned a hint | | | | path of the stranger's ball when taking out |
| to the wife for an early birthday | | | | the flag. After I borrowed ten quarters for |
| present.Then it dawned on me that besides the | | | | marking my ball, he told me that there was a |
| putter there were a few items missing. No | | | | button on my golf glove that could be removed |
| balls or tees graced the pockets. Golf shoes | | | | for a marker.On the seventh tee, my driver |
| could be expensive and what about that | | | | decided to hit the ground about a foot behind |
| special leather glove that always hung out of | | | | the ball, sometimes bouncing up to gently |
| the pro golfer's pocket? Add to the list a | | | | knock the ball off the tee and other times |
| divot smoother, a ball brush, a water bottle | | | | missing altogether. None of the unasked for |
| and a matching rag to wipe your hands on.I | | | | advice had any effect. At the eighth hole, a |
| got lucky with the shoes, having spotted a | | | | club monitor raced up to me with a club I had |
| like-new pair on a curb for pick-up. Only one | | | | left on the last green (my third lost club) |
| half size too large, I figured an extra pair | | | | and asked if it were possible to initiate the |
| of socks would solve that problem. Sears sold | | | | practice of picking up on the greens in |
| me a matching putter and Costco Wholesale had | | | | order to speed play. I guess that fact that I |
| no name balls.Carefully choosing a friend who | | | | had to hit three balls for one of the |
| lived far away and who also played golf, I | | | | foursome behind us slowed the play somewhat. |
| arranged a day on the golf course. Two weeks | | | | At the ninth hole I breathed a sigh of relief |
| before the date, I arrived early at the local | | | | only to be informed that the next nine would |
| golf range to harden up my hands for the | | | | be played on the steepest part of the golf |
| coming game. In twenty minutes I sported two | | | | course. My body felt that I had been run over |
| authentic golf blisters on my hand. The local | | | | by a truck so I protested a headache and |
| pro suggested snidely that I wear gloves on | | | | begged off.Invited to play with a seldom seen |
| both hands next time. The next day I could | | | | golfer relative, I scraped the mud off my |
| hardly move my arms, but bravely hid my | | | | irons, carefully chose eight balls with only |
| soreness from my all-knowing wife. The balls | | | | small dents and loaded up the car. This time |
| I hit seemed to be searching for a new home, | | | | I wisely opted for a golf cart, and Fortified |
| none of which landed in the same place. The | | | | with three aspirin, I was prepared for |
| wandering balls preferred bounding to my | | | | eighteen holes. At the first tee I was |
| left, so I kept aiming my feet to the right | | | | reveling in the knowledge that whatever |
| in hopeful windage, eventually facing | | | | happened today would be hidden from the eyes |
| sideways to the hole. I've heard that a | | | | and ears of friends and relatives alike when |
| slight hook can be beneficial, but what I had | | | | the golf pro asked if we would mind if he |
| didn't fit the category. I did feel a little | | | | played with us. I agreed only if he didn't |
| better when I discovered that I could | | | | laugh. On the seventeenth hole, I vowed never |
| retrieve a | | | | to |
| | | | |
| half bucket of balls that littered the | | | | play golf again. I had run over the pro's |
| landscape a few feet in front of the practice | | | | ball with my cart.Retired to writing, |
| tee. I always like to save money.My golfing | | | | bicycling, furniture refinishing, and |
| partner insisted that in order to get an | | | | computer graphics. |
| unreserved spot between two bona fide | | | | |